Breastfeeding Woes

Maybe I'm the only woman who feels this way, but I sometimes feel like I have no control over my body. This is disconcerting and frustrating because of all the things I feel I should be able to control, my body is number one on the list. Unfortunately, my body doesn't do what I want it to all the time, and it can be very inconvenient. For example, getting pregnant doesn't seem like it should be such a big challenge; however, you don't know if it will take "just once" or a year to conceive. The big problem with this and how it has to do with the control issue is that your body (as a woman) is made to bear children. This should not be so difficult then, right? Similarly, your body is made to breastfeed, so why is it so hard to do?

All the books say that you and your baby are learning to breastfeed together. They say it takes practice. They talk about how to get the baby to latch on properly, different holds, all the benefits of breastfeeding for both you and your baby. So I read all this, and I was ready to breastfeed. I took multiple breastfeeding classes, and I felt like I was prepared. That is until I started bleeding and cracking and crying every time I heard the baby smack his lips.

Breastfeeding hurt. Not just a little, but a lot. All the books said breastfeeding shouldn't hurt for more than 30 to 60 seconds after latch on unless you had a bad latch. The problem here, for me, was that the nurses all said my baby had a good latch. His lips did just what they were supposed to, and he seemed to have enough tissue in his mouth.

Every feeding got worse. I dreaded them, and I finally broke down and called my doctor. Ok, so my husband made me call my doctor because he hated seeing me cry, flinch, and whimper at every feeding. My doctor told me to stop, pump, and bottle-feed until I healed. He assured me that once they did, I could go back to breastfeeding.

The days preceding and following the call were some of my hardest days. My baby wasn't even a week old, and yet I couldn't manage to feed him. We played off each other. I would get nervous and tense up as I tried to get my baby to open his mouth wide enough to get a good latch. My baby would get frustrated and tense as he pushed against me and hit me with his little fists as he tried to bring them to his mouth since latching on wasn't working. I felt like a failure as a mother, especially since I kept hearing from other women that I just needed to toughen up and that the pain would eventually subside over time. All I wanted to do was breastfeed my baby and enjoy the special bonding time I'd heard so much about. All I could do was wince and cry all over my baby every time he ate. Even when I started bottle-feeding I felt guilty. What if the flow from the bottle made it so my baby wouldn't go back to breastfeeding? Why couldn't I breastfeed without pain? What was wrong with my body? Why did breastfeeding hurt if my body was made to do it? Everything just seemed outside my control. But it wasn't.

I talked to my baby's pediatrician the next day when we took our son in for an appointment, and he offered me some advice and gave his support. I also made an appointment with a lactation specialist at the hospital. The lactation specialist helped me figure out how to help my baby latch on. She told me he had a strong suck that had ripped me up and that a nipple shield would help. She helped me feel in control, empowered, and confident. Now I've started healing and I'm enjoying the closeness of breastfeeding my son.

Know this, you don't have to just suffer through it. Talk to your OB-GYN or your infant's pediatrician. Make an appointment with a lactation specialist. Since I did those things, I've been able to breastfeed my baby with less and less pain each time. I'm still healing, but I'm not crying anymore. Instead I'm able to bond with my son and feel in control of my own body.